Growing up in a home, where my sister and me, were raised as equals by our parents, I always took the notion of what I now know as ‘gender equality’ for granted. I could cook breakfast for both of us, when Maa was not at home, what’s the big deal. It was only as I interacted with the world as an adult, that I realised how special the parenting we had received was. How blessed had we been to have been given these values through the 70s and the 80s, which even today (in the next millennial!) are a fundamental struggle.
It is this value system that is taken forward, and expressed completely and evocatively, by my sister, author, Pooja, in her latest book, Momspeak. #proud
As soon as the book starts with asserting “How divinity and damnation are both rolled up into one, in the figure of a mother”, we are hooked onto a journey of discovery into the mind and the life of a mother. Pooja does this by reflecting on the experiences of her own life, with astute observations of her feelings and of those around her. But equally importantly, she chronicles the emotional journeys of a diverse set of mothers that she has met, to weave a comprehensive narrative of motherhood, that is simultaneously thought-provoking and empathetic.
Pooja’s writing has a flavour of activism, yet is grounded in compassion. It is both personal yet objective.
Even as the book is deeply emotional, it maintains a rational argument that is extremely convincing.
The book quotes scholars, writers, science, research, and at the same time references movies, TV, music and other pop culture.
It is a contemporary book with a modern outlook that treats the reader like an adult. It’s not a self-help book. It raises questions and moves you to seek your own answers.
With #Momspeak, Pooja achieves an extraordinary feat of having written a unique book, that speaks to both the head and the heart.
Of course, it’s a must-read for mothers - who have been, who are and who are to be. For mothers, the book is a soul-mirror that allows you to see it like it is, say it like it is. It’s not good, it’s not bad. It just is. It’s cathartic and it’s real.
It’s what every mother goes through, but is often not seen. And as the book argues, is deliberately not seen by a society that is deeply patriarchal. It’s not stuff that movies are made out of, but it’s the stuff that lives are made out of.
It’s the beauty of the everyday. It’s the tragedy of the everyday. It’s the life we live. And that’s why it’s important.
But, more than that it is an important book that must be read by everyone, for the sake of the world we live in.
Because at the heart of it, it’s about being a woman in an unequal world.
It, purposefully, raises questions on social mores we take for granted or laugh away.
It, angrily, forces you to sit back and question your own behaviour, making you ask yourself ‘have I ever willingly or unwillingly encouraged this inequality’ or worse, been blind to it.
And most of all, it, openly, invites you into being part of this movement of building a gender-neutral world.
However, above all, it’s a book that while, on the face of it, champions feminism, as the final (and my favourite chapter) “Frenemies Forever: Feminism and Motherhood” lands beautifully - if there is any ‘ism we all should be a part of it is ‘humanism’.
Because after all, that’s what being a mother is all about, isn’t it?
Creating a life and then building a sustainable world that allows that life to thrive in.
It is only by challenging existing notions and structures that prevent us from being human to each other, can we create a future that we can all call our family.
As a parent to a teenage boy, this book once again reminded me of my immensely challenging but equally rewarding responsibility.
Of raising him to not subscribe to the unequal world he lives in, to not be restricted by gender norms that will be thrust upon him, to swim against the patriarchy blackhole that he may get sucked into as a boy, to not subscribe to the hate and the biases fed to him on social media, and to trust his inner humanist values.
This book gives me the optimism to make this a reality.
We need it in the world, now more than ever.
If ‘motherhood is an emotion’, as the book suggests, then I feel happy and secure in saying that I am a mother.
No comments:
Post a Comment